• prayer,  quotes,  shadows

    The Silence of Prayer

    January 27, 2024
    This mornings shadows in my bedroom

    I am learning to pray again, not in the way I was taught as a child, but in all the ways the desert has taught me to listen.

    Terry Tempest Williams

    Over 20 years ago I was given the suggestion to learn how to pray in my own way, that maybe prayer was much more than I had been taught as a child. That suggestion has become a wonderful gift. So my life of prayer, the how, what and who of my prayer is, has become so experiential, personal and inclusive. It is always evolving, a conversation, yet without words. It has become more about listening to an inner voice and listening to nature. I include my journaling, listening for words, as a form of prayer, as is reading. Might as well include laughter as prayer. So is crying. Watching the sunrise. Taking in a deep breath is prayer. And, if we take the lesson, we will find nature teaches us silence to sit with. I’m learning to be silent in the silence of prayer.

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  • clouds,  landscape,  natural areas,  Reservoir Ridge Natural Area

    Receiving Photographs

    January 23, 2024
    Clouds over Claymore Lake

    The diffused light late in the afternoon seems to play magic with clouds. I’m drawn to their beauty. So I drove out to Reservoir Ridge Natural Area late yesterday afternoon to watch nature play with the clouds and listen to the quiet. The air was still. I stood motionless, watching it all take shape. The quiet descended. It was a time for contemplation and for allowing myself to be touched at some deep level – a time for receiving photographs. I headed home knowing there would soon be a mysterious transformation into the darkness of night. And, it would happen without me.

    We have a beautiful day with clear skies and sunshine. May see temperatures into the upper 40s.

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  • Art,  coffee life,  coffee shops,  latte art,  musings,  writing/reading

    A “to-do” list

    August 25, 2023

    I’ve noticed how several of my baristas, as well as other people, will often ask me what I have planned for my day. Some days that’s easy to answer because I do have a list of things. While other times that’s not as easy to answer because I have no to-do list. It got me to reflect on that what am I going “to be” today appeared more relevant than what I was going “to do.” So, in my journal I wrote answers to the question, What sort of human will you be today, Monte? My writings brought up some interesting thoughts. You can laugh at these, discount them, add to them or stop reading this post and get on with your day’s to-do list. Either way here is a short and incomplete list.  

    I want to be kind, loving, fully present, virtuous, reflective, forgiving, open minded, honest, prayerful, happy, my true self, caring, thankful, respectful, and a listener. I see that most of this list is my life lived through my attitude, intentions, and approach to life. Now the following list are roles that I can strive to do through my actions and efforts: to be a photographer, a writer, a creative, a student and the best son, brother, father, friend I can be. Seems it may be we need to be and do.

    There is no simple answer to this question except maybe “to be all that I can be”. Yet, I cannot be any of those without putting some action to them, which means a “to-do” list that includes how I approach living my life. Another good question to ask myself is if am I thinking about what I could do for others, what I could pack into the stream of life or am I just thinking of myself? Thanks for listening to my ramblings this morning, if you did.

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  • flowers,  musings,  Plants,  quotes,  writing/reading

    A life-giving act

    July 2, 2023
    White Prickly Poppy

    Listening is always a life giving act.

    Joan Chittister

    I’ve learned that when positioning my next words in a conversation I am no longer listening. I’ve proven that too many times. I’ve also seen in the eyes of another when they are no longer listening. I have also experienced the gift of fully listening to another as well as knowing the gift of being listened to. Seems that those life giving conversations happen when both are experienced by both. My reflection and journaling on her quote have lead me to see other areas in my life where listening is important such as prayer, or when an author or poet expresses in words what I needed to hear, or a bird’s song of joy, or the whisper/howling of the wind, or the words written in the pages of my journal or the knowing voice deep within. I agree that every moment of listening is a life-giving act for both parties. Hope you enjoy your Sunday!

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  • prayer,  quotes,  Thomas Merton

    the gift of silence, … and solitude

    March 14, 2023
    A quiet cloudless predawn sky at Dixon Reservoir

    When I am liberated by silence,
    when I am no longer involved in the
    measurement of life,
    but in the living of it,

    I can discover a form of prayer in which
    there is effectively, no distraction.

    My whole life becomes a prayer.
    My whole silence is full of prayer.

    The world of silence in which I am immersed
    contributes to my prayer.
    Let me seek, then, the gift of silence, … and solitude,
    where everything I touch is turned into prayer:

    where the sky is my prayer,
    the birds are my prayer,
    the wind in the trees is my prayer,
    for God is all in all.

    Thomas Merton

    Someone introduced me to the above prayer/poem by Thomas Merton this past Saturday. This prayer resonates with me because both silence and prayer have become a major part of my adult life. I am never the same after standing in the silence and solitude before a predawn sky over Dixon Reservoir. I’ve come to believe it is in the silence and solitude I’m more apt to hear the prayers within me that do transform me. And in that transformation I’ve come to ponder the question, What would our world be like if more people listened in the silence and solitude of prayer? Plus, silence and solitude are great teachers at listening. I’d venture to say the world needs more listeners than talkers.

    I began writing this post on Sunday afternoon and will schedule its posting for 7:00 am today, which is when they start my surgery. I’ll let you know how that all turns out later.

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  • poems,  poetry

    Squirrel of Worry

    January 25, 2023

    Sometimes when things are going well,
    the daredevil squirrel of worry
    suddenly leaps from the back of my head
    to the feeder, swings by his paws
    and clambers up, twitching his question mark tail.
    And though I try the recommended baffles —
    tin cone of meditation, greased pipe
    of positive thought — every sunflower seed
    in this life is his if he wants it.

    Ted Kooser, Winter Morning Walks, page 48

    Well, I did not receive the news I wanted to hear from my cardiologist yesterday. The valve is in the severe stage and something needs to be done. The valve that was replaced 4 years ago is, in the doctor’s opinion, too small for my body which is why it failed so early. An echocardiogram 1 month post TAVR echo shows elevated MG of 26mmHg and Vmax of 3.27m/s, consistent with PPM. Which in doctor speak says the valve is already struggling. So, they are recommending I meet with a cardiothoracic surgeon for a possible SAVR (open heart surgery again) with a root enlargement, making that opening larger to accommodate a larger replacement valve. I have an Left Heart Cath set for Feb 13th then meet with the surgeon on the 15th. If the cardiothoracic surgeon does not think I’m a good candidate for whatever reason, the groin procedure is still an option but they’d still be looking at a valve that is too small. Not what I want. My next appointment is with the Hematologist to look at my low Platelet numbers. They say I’m thrombocytopenia.

    Again, it’s not the news I wanted but it’s what I have. Another opportunity to live in the present moment by keeping an eye on my feet and wiggling my toes.

    About the image and poem by Ted Kooser. I’ve encountered this squirrel of worry throughout my life and in the past 4 weeks it has been quite busy. I must admit all my worries are based in fear (False Evidence Appearing Real). I do my best to face these worries as part of life by finding quiet time, practicing prayer and meditation, spending time in nature and reaching out to a listening ear or being that listening ear. Avoiding my fears or denying them has never been a solution. Hoping you’re having a great Wednesday!

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