I have no right to call myself one who knows. I was one who seeks, and I still am, but I no longer seek in the stars or in books; I’m beginning to hear the teachings of my blood pulsing within me.
Hermann Hesse
I’ve had difficulty over the past few months of staying within the pages of books. I found myself losing interest after a few pages and noticing the need to reread paragraphs. I enjoy reading books for the knowledge gained from them and their ability to transform me with some planted seed. I realized that there has been a lot going on in my life that is distracting which has brought on lifestyle changes. However, I believe that the books we read are not the only tool for transformation because there is a teacher within all of us when we look for it. So, maybe I no longer need to seek in the stars or in books but turn inward to hear the teachings.
Met with the hematologist today and cancer is ruled out from the bone marrow biopsy. We just need to work on increasing my iron to bring up those platelet numbers. Hoping you enjoyed your day!
The Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, is quoted as saying “change is the only constant in life.” I believe he’s right. Some lifestyle changes we make on our own while some changes are forced upon us. Lifestyle changes can happen when we change jobs, move to another community, decide to marry, retire, live a non-consumer lifestyle, get rid of the TV, new eating habits and more. Yet, there are some changes that come upon us unexpectedly and unwanted, such as divorce, death of spouse, parent, child, natural disasters, health issues, war and more. Each time we face one of these changes we are given the opportunity to make choices on how we respond. How we respond to them is the bigger question.
I’m at a place where I’m facing lifestyle changes due to health issues. The reality of my mortality is very real today. Since the present is where I must live, I’m given the opportunity to face these lifestyle changes and make choices that can be rewarding. My hope is to live life with a new and positive attitude, no matter what. Pretty sure I’m preaching to the choir but I needed to write it and maybe it is a thought provoking post.
It is bitter cold this morning. My weather app said it was 3 degrees and my car’s dashboard said 3 degrees when I left for the coffee shop at 7:02 am. Two hours later it says zero degrees. It’s going the wrong way. We are looking at 2-3 days of this cold. I’m home and in for the rest of the day!!! Okay, enough about the cold and on to something new.
This something new is a new Pelikan M205 Apatite Special Edition Demonstrator fountain pen. This past year Pelikan announced the Edelstein Apatite ink for 2022. Since I’ve been pleased with the seven Pelikan pens I already have, I didn’t even know this new ink or pen had come out until a week ago. After all, I can only write with one pen at a time. 😳 Needless to say, I fell in love with this color immediately. The pen is the newest in a series of eight demonstrator pens they have come out with since 2015. I only have one other demonstrator, the Smoky Quartz, which came out in 2017. All my other M200x pens are a marble swirl. Pelikan calls the Apatite color a Turquoise-Blue and is part of the M205 series which has the silver trim rather than gold. It is also a part of their gemstone inspired models that have been a popular mainstay of the company’s annual line-up. Apatite is a phosphate mineral which was first discovered in 1786 by the German geologist A.G. Werner. As a demonstrator pen you are able to see the internal piston and ink which I like. 👍 Being a special edition the price was higher than I wanted but…. So far I like the looks of the pen, the nib (medium) writes wonderfully and the ink shades well while pleasing to my eyes. So, my task now is to find all the words hidden within this pen by putting pen to paper in my journals. Enough gibberish from me. Stay warm and enjoy your day!!
“Fear, like any other strong emotion, can make us exquisitely conscious of living, perfectly aware of being in the moment. It can only do that, however, on those rare occasions when we don’t try to fight it, run away from it, cope with it, suppress it, tame it, or otherwise domesticate it.”
I read a statement by Ilia Delio that says, “We are not called to maintain the existing order but to engage disorder as it lingers on the edge of new order.” Somehow that resonates with me. Seems nature is that way. Instead of accepting the chaos that is a part of my life, I want and try to keep things in order. Which doesn’t happen. What many consider chaos in nature is really the change, growth, transformation, metamorphosis, where something new is arriving. At the present I’m living with a certain level of anxiety, uncertainty, and doing my best to embrace faith, trust, hope, acceptance and even surrender. Let’s call it living this spiritual adventure.
It has been overcast all day. The eclair in the above image is called an almond apricot eclair. I’ve never had one before today. It has an almond cream filling with apricot preserves over the top. Not as rich as I expected but had that sweetness that excited my taste buds. I will probably need to collect more data for my final analysis. Hope you had a good weekend! Stay warm!
… the breath of life, family, friends, sobriety, journaling, photography, nature, coffee shops, solitude, quiet, prayer, meditation, books, serenity, courage, an open mind, willingness, avocado toast, chocolate and …
mws
I would like to invite all who read this post to add to this short list above those things which you are grateful for. You do not need to add them in the comments necessarily but maybe find a piece of paper and write them down as you go through the day. Sunshine and blue skies here. Happy Monday!
This morning I noticed a young man in his early thirties strutting into the coffee shop1I am aware that I was immediately judgmental of him but this brought up some wonderful questions to ask myself and journal about it. His entrance was noticeable because of his tough guy walk. The demeanor offered a feeling of toughness, don’t mess with me attitude. Nor was I the only one who turned and noticed. As he ordered his drink it was then that I noticed he was packing a gun on his right side. So, the next time I see a police officer walk into a coffee shop wearing their weapons I’ll check to see if they have the same strut.
Anyway, this gave me some fodder for my journaling and also stirred this posting. What or who is he afraid of? Was his reality of life that foundationally scary and insecure? Did he feel the half dozen customers were possible enemies and that he needed to protect himself at any cost? I personally have never in my 20 some years of coffee shop life encountered a wild beast in a coffee shop. I have seen a dog or two. About the only life they could point a weapon at is another person.
My reality of life presents something different. Seems I have more fear, and am at a greater risk, from the driver who is trying to text message and drive at the same time than I do of being shot in a coffee shop. And, I also have more fear of politicians, corporate executives, and the wealthy who will do anything to attain more money, power and control due to the fear they will lose what they have or not attain what they want. And, in all honesty, I have a fear of the person packing the gun and how they will use the weapon under a stressful situation, will they use it with reactionary fear.
To end this post I must say we have no idea of the life experiences, the physical, sexual, verbal, emotional abuse and violence, others have had in life that presents their reality of life as threatening. So in my journaling and writing of this post I find gratitude for the life I have lived, the safety and security my family and community gave me and continue to give me and the innate goodness I see in this world. Reaffirms my belief that packing a gun will not prevent violence or put an end to violence and damn sure it will not bring peace.
