• architecture,  quotes,  shadows,  window

    Self Discovery

    April 18, 2022
    Early morning light through my front-room window

    “A shadow is never created in darkness. It is born of light. We can be blind to it and blinded by it. Our shadow asks us to look at what we don’t want to see”

    Terry Tempest Williams

    There is a dark side of me I that I did not always want to see or admit to knowing about. It’s a side that can be full of hate, anger, jealousy, envy, fear, insecurity, self-centeredness, and the list goes on. I imagine everyone could also add to this list. When I was younger I avoided looking inward, always had a focus on how I wanted you to see me outwardly. I am grateful for this time in my life where I use self-examination along with prayer and meditation as the light to acknowledge and face the shadow side of myself. It is a path of self discovery.

    Read More
  • landscape,  quotes,  seasons,  shadows,  snow,  winter scenes

    We have to change…

    January 18, 2022

    A lot of our fear, hatred, anger, and feelings of separation and alienation come from the idea that we are separate from the planet. We see ourselves as the center of the universe and are concerned primarily with our own personal survival. If we care about the health and well-being of the planet, we do so for our own sake. We want the air to be clean enough for us to breathe. We want the water to be clear enough so that we have something to drink. But we need to do more than use recycled products or donate money to environmental groups. We have to change our whole relationship with the Earth.

    Thich Nhat Hanh

    I guess if I were to have a resolution or goal for the coming year it would be to continue the change in my relationship with Mother Earth, not just in my thinking but in my actions.

    Read More
  • consumer,  fountain pens,  journal,  quotes,  writing/reading

    Healthy Vibes

    November 16, 2020

    The contemplative life should liberate and purify the imagination which passively absorbs all kinds of things without our realizing it; liberate and purify it from the influence of so much violence done by the bombardment of social images. There is a kind of contagion that affects the imagination unconsciously much more than we realize. It emanates from things like advertisements and from all the spurious fantasies that are thrown at us by our commercial society. These fantasies are deliberately intended to exercise a powerful effect on our conscious and subconscious minds. They are directed right at our instincts and appetites and there is no question but that they exercise a real transforming power on our whole psychic structures. The contemplative life should liberate us from that kind of pressure, which is really a form of tyranny.

    Thomas Merton

    Yes, I am a very much aware how affected I am by consumerism and advertising. Show me an image of a fine fountain pen and the lust for it begins to grow. I am easily enticed. Over the past few years, through the practice of a contemplative life and simplifying my life I feel the lust is being curtailed. At least until Pelikan comes out with another marbled fountain pen color and in my price range. 😳

    What is interesting to me in Merton’s quote is his use of the phrase ‘spurious fantasies.’ We all have watched how the power of our social media/news can affect people, stirring up anger, hate and rage in some, while drawing others to an awareness of our societal and world issues. For some it has meant making a healthy self-examination of ourselves then coming up with ways to change the unhealthy aspects we find, nurture them and sharing the healthy ones. But, for some it means pointing fingers and accusing rather than any self-examination.

    For the past few weeks I have reduced my time on social media while staying as distant as I can from the news. This has allowed me to consciously spend more time in my journal, more reading, walks in nature and more prayer/meditation. The biggest impact has been the reduction of unhealthy images in my mind, both words and photographs. I much prefer reading words that nudge me to explore their meaning and to liberate and purify my imagination to create healthy vibes in the universe.

    Read More
  • clouds,  landscape,  prairie,  snow,  sunrises

    Life is not like that…

    January 30, 2020
    Sunrise in eastern Colorado

    I felt a strong emotion rise to the surface while on my bus ride this morning. Tears welled up in my eyes, not from sadness or pain but more along the lines of some feeling of love. What is strange about this feeling of love is because of an incident of anger that happened 15 minutes earlier while leaving the condo. I was running a couple minutes late and if I didn’t hustle I would miss the bus which would cause me to have to wait a half hour for the next bus. As I grabbed the doorknob I remembered I needed to get my renewed bus pass out of the pocket of my backpack and felt the anxiety within. As I took the backpack off I got tangled up with the straps and my anxiety burst into anger and choice words (#@&!). Almost immediately after hearing the words come out of my mouth and noticed my  increased emotions, I took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled. I ask myself what was I really angry at? It was sure not the backpacks fault. This led to a few moments of reflection. While walking to the bus stop I became aware of how much I wanted the world to run smoothly all the time, especially for me. But, the reality is life is not like that.

    Then while on the bus I observed these students solemnly heading to class and wondered what they may be going through. I could see some to be stressed out with school or worried about some relationship that is struggling. Maybe there are health problems in their life, theirs or family. No one’s life runs smoothly all the time nor is there a reason to expect it. The real question is how we face and deal with life. For me the feeling of love on the bus was for those who may be going through much more than getting tangled up their backpack. I have much to learn. Sigh! If you read this far, thanks for listening.

    Read More
  • Photography

    I Lost It?

    November 3, 2010

    Park Bench

    I lost it. I felt the anger and resentment well up inside of me, making me physically unhealthy. My back and neck were tight and the aching was more than annoying me. I did not like where I was. My mind kept playing out scenes which did not need to be imagined. Life was not what I wanted and I was not accepting it. I prayed for relarese from these unwelcomed thoughts and feelings.

    I settled into some quiet hoping to settle the restless spirit within me. I then grabbed my journal and began to write with the hope of putting my thoughts down in black and white would help them subside. Since the rain had stopped and the sun was peaking out between the rolling clouds and offering glimpses of bright blue skies, a restlessness was beckoning me to get up and move. With camera over my shoulder I walked within close proximity of my hotel. I whispered prayers and opened myself to the muse hoping it would point my photographers eye to the unseen images around me. Once back in my room it felt good to stretch out on my bed and relax. As I laid there I noticed the tension, anger, resentment and the unhealthy focusing on my “self” had slipped away. Was it the writing, the prayer, the quiet time, the walk or pressing the shutter on my camera? Hopefully it was all of them. I lost them.

    Read More