• prayer,  quotes,  shadows

    Prayer is…

    March 17, 2023

    “Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”

    Mahatma Gandhi
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  • poems,  poetry

    Squirrel of Worry

    January 25, 2023

    Sometimes when things are going well,
    the daredevil squirrel of worry
    suddenly leaps from the back of my head
    to the feeder, swings by his paws
    and clambers up, twitching his question mark tail.
    And though I try the recommended baffles —
    tin cone of meditation, greased pipe
    of positive thought — every sunflower seed
    in this life is his if he wants it.

    Ted Kooser, Winter Morning Walks, page 48

    Well, I did not receive the news I wanted to hear from my cardiologist yesterday. The valve is in the severe stage and something needs to be done. The valve that was replaced 4 years ago is, in the doctor’s opinion, too small for my body which is why it failed so early. An echocardiogram 1 month post TAVR echo shows elevated MG of 26mmHg and Vmax of 3.27m/s, consistent with PPM. Which in doctor speak says the valve is already struggling. So, they are recommending I meet with a cardiothoracic surgeon for a possible SAVR (open heart surgery again) with a root enlargement, making that opening larger to accommodate a larger replacement valve. I have an Left Heart Cath set for Feb 13th then meet with the surgeon on the 15th. If the cardiothoracic surgeon does not think I’m a good candidate for whatever reason, the groin procedure is still an option but they’d still be looking at a valve that is too small. Not what I want. My next appointment is with the Hematologist to look at my low Platelet numbers. They say I’m thrombocytopenia.

    Again, it’s not the news I wanted but it’s what I have. Another opportunity to live in the present moment by keeping an eye on my feet and wiggling my toes.

    About the image and poem by Ted Kooser. I’ve encountered this squirrel of worry throughout my life and in the past 4 weeks it has been quite busy. I must admit all my worries are based in fear (False Evidence Appearing Real). I do my best to face these worries as part of life by finding quiet time, practicing prayer and meditation, spending time in nature and reaching out to a listening ear or being that listening ear. Avoiding my fears or denying them has never been a solution. Hoping you’re having a great Wednesday!

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  • landscape,  mountains,  sunsets

    Today’s Gratitude

    December 29, 2022

    I am grateful today that my family did a wellness check on me this past week. I was taken by ambulance and admitted to the hospital on Friday (12/23) due to a UTI infection that moved into my blood system. I knew I was ill and was assuming I had influenza or even covid. Negative on both those tests. I have a bruise on my forehead and right hip which indicates I may have fallen. My CBC numbers were, and still are, all over the place, none were in their normal range. I had high white blood cell count, low red blood cell count and my platelet count was at the bottom. An EKG showed the heart valve replacement I had 4 years ago is only functioning at about 60-65%. So for the next 6 nights I was poked and probed in an effort to monitor my blood and look for origins of all my issues to medically address them. I didn’t know I was that sick, I was that sick. We are addressing the infection as quickly as we can along with the heart valve issues. 

    So I spent Christmas in the hospital, which was not on my radar. I was discharged and home by about 6:30 pm Wednesday night (12/28). Took me a while to recognize the silence of my condo again, compared to the bustle of a hospital. I’m very anemic, have little energy and will be weak for a couple more weeks until my body heals and the numbers get back to normal. More tests are being scheduled then probably have the valve replaced via a TAVR procedure. I may not post much over the next few days/weeks as I regain my energy back. I don’t want to make this long but there are a couple people who watch my blog and I wanted to let you know why I have not posted here for a few days. Hope all is well with you and you had an enjoyable Christmas. ❤️

    The above image was taken back on 12/16/22 along Weld County Road 88.

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  • coffee life,  coffee shops,  quotes

    Way of life …

    January 11, 2022

    For me photography is to place head and heart and eye along the same line of sight. It’s a way of life.

    Henri Cartier-Bresson

    Cold mornings have kept me snuggled under covers rather than braving the cold at one of the natural areas to greet the sunrise. I’m gonna need to change that attitude and spend time with nature, otherwise you will probably see more images of coffee cups, which could get boring quickly. I must admit sitting in one of the soft cozy chairs with a mocha latte and a good book is good for the soul, and warmer. However, I also need to be touched with the spirit of nature, in the cold. Looks to be cold for the next few days so we’ll see how often I am able to lift off those heavy covers. After all, photography is a way of life for me.

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